Accepting Things As They Are

 

 For after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.

—Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Within the field of mindfulness, we often talk about being present with things as they are, rather than as we’d like them to be. In simplest terms, this means accepting life as it comes along—both in relationship to what is happening outside and within ourselves. Often times, we turn the way things are into “problems,” resisting what is, and imposing our interpretations of what “should be” upon it.

To provide a simple case in point about the importance of acceptance, imagine you find yourself at the beach on a hot, sunny day dressed in your best finery. Rather than enjoying the beautiful day at the beach, you register internally that you’re too hot, the sand penetrating your shoes and mingling in-between your toes is a nuisance, and the salt air is ruining the fabric of your garment.

Obviously, you have a few options for approaching this less-than-ideal situation:

1. You could decide because you are not appropriately dressed that you need to find an environment more in keeping with your attire.
2. You could look for ways to adapt yourself to the situation, perhaps taking your shoes off, finding some other clothes to wear, and a shady place to sit.
3. You could spend your time complaining, suggesting there is something wrong with the sun because it is shining, the sand because it is sandy, and the salt air because it is salty.

As the first two scenarios suggest, seeing things as they are actually puts us in an empowered position to problem-solve ways of either removing ourselves from, or adapting ourselves to, a situation. Options open up when we can accurately observe what’s happening and tap into how we feel about it.

Complaining, on the other hand, changes nothing, offers no solutions that we can actively pursue ourselves, and further, makes us out to be a victim. Our attention in this scenario is more focused on judging a situation as right/wrong or good/bad, rather than finding a resolution—a rather futile expenditure of energy.

It is important to emphasize here that accepting things as they are DOES NOT suggest resignation on our part. Acceptance is not about pushing away our experience. Our response to any situation is, in fact, a significant part of “the way things are.” Efforts to suppress what we are seeing, thinking or feeling would actually indicate that we are placing judgment on ourselves for how we are responding.

The question becomes, how to skillfully engage with what’s here in the moment—both in terms of what’s going on internally and what’s happening externally. How can we bring inquiry and curiosity into the present moment? How do we work with what’s here?

Factoring in all the elements around and within us, leads to the exploration of options sensitive to the entirety of our experience. This in turn, increase the likelihood our responses to any given situation will be the most sound and skillfully executed.

Although some would be inclined to believe that acceptance suggests resignation, in actuality it can help us avoid the temptation to become complacent. The greatest range of possibilities become available to us when we can see from a clear, unmuddied point of view. This clarity keeps us in the driver’s seat and empowers us to seek solutions. And the more we can see and accept the truth of things, the more likely we are to make decisions from a place of skill rather than reactivity.