Suffering is necessary until you realize it is unnecessary.
–Eckhart Tolle
As pronounced a presence that suffering plays in our human experience, it is surprising how little we talk about the significance of its role in our lives. Maybe it’s the fact that our minds can never truly bring its logical weight to bear on the subject of suffering that gives us pause to try to come to terms with it.
To define it simply, suffering occurs as a result of enduring physical or emotional pain.
Suffering would seem to be the ultimate paradox. It would appear that suffering and the things that bring satisfaction in life are born of the same ilk, one merging into the other in a ceaseless exchange.
The most obvious example of this interplay can be found in the nature of love. It is love that provides us the ecstasy of union and belonging, and anguish in its loss. Despite the pain of losing love, we inevitably seek to find a place for it in our lives, knowing the risks we take each time we invest our heart in another.
When pain arises, our natural inclination is aversion, to psychologically pull away or mask the pain. What’s ironic in this response is, the less we attend to pain and its source, the longer we prolong suffering and potentially intensify its aftermath.
The Gift of the Present
In my own life, much of my suffering has come through two vehicles, either being in proximity to someone else’s ignorance or illusion, or as a result of my own. In either instance, the duration of my suffering was highly contingent on my capacity to feel, lean into, and express my pain. In other words, my ability to be present with the truth.
I have found that in the process of relinquishing suffering, I have been left with gifts that have drastically improved the rest of my life experience. It is the suffering in my past that informs my life today (which stands in stark contrast to the life I use to live). Through the process of suffering, I have come to deeply know and trust myself. I now know the importance of owning and speaking my truth.
Most importantly, suffering has brought me a greater sense of connection to everyone around me. Today, I am more inclined to see the similarities between myself and others, rather than the distinctions.
I am more likely to forgive someone for their ignorance…because I have taken the time to bear witness to my own.
I am more compassionate with those who mask their suffering with the illusion that they are better than, stronger than, richer than, tougher than…because I know what hides behind that as well.
I can be present with the suffering of others…because I am no longer afraid to face my own.
The Gift That Keeps On Giving
Pain is inevitable in the human experience. Suffering, to a great degree, is optional. If we do not tend to pain as it arises, we will inevitably face it later. It will wait for us in other situations, other decisions, other relationships, because we have not allowed ourselves to explore and extract the knowledge it holds.
The walls of ignorance and illusion begin to crumble when we have the courage to reconcile the disparity between what exists and what we, or others, believe “should be.” It is when we make an effort to understand our experience, express our truth, and abandon the known for the sake of the unknown, that suffering begins to drop away.
It is, in fact, the truth that sets us free.